I’ve received some emails asking, “Are you in a relationship? How do you get away with all the drinking, gambling, and strip clubs?” Well, believe it or not, I’ve been happily married for three years (no kids). Here’s how it’s all done…

1. Set the bar really low. You know in grade school, when there was the borderline retarded kid that the teacher adored when he finally learned the alphabet? Be the grown up edition of that kid! If she doesn’t expect much from you, then you can’t really screw things up, right?


2. If you’re going to do something stupid, make sure that you’re not endangering your life or anyone else’s. That’s not being dumb. It’s being reckless.


3. Try to include her in one of the activities she hates. Even if it’s in a small way. Let’s say you want to play a few tables at Party Poker. Invite her to the couch, and pop in “My Best Friend’s Wedding.” She’ll be so distracted by the unattainable Rupert Everett that she won’t notice that you just lost $100.


4. If she really despises or takes offense to something you want to do, and it’s not unreasonable of her to take umbrage, then don’t do it! There are plenty of other immature activities in which you can participate.


5. If you’re going on a guys-only trip or spending a night playing poker you NEED to get her a souvenir or a cut of your winnings.


6. Lots of times, just smiling will get you out of trouble.


7. The best way to calm a woman down is a pint of Haagen Daaz. Make it two if you’re in deep doo doo.


8. If you went to a strip club, immediately burn/wash/hide the shirt or sweater you wore. The smell of strawberry lotion will immediately put you in the doghouse.


9. Accept that if you’re going to be an idiot, she can be too. It’s best when you’re idiots at the same time. Drunken food fights, simultaneous barfing…good times.


10. Turn your activity into something that benefits her. Examples:
    · “The flight to Germany for Oktoberfest means that NNNN miles. We can go on that vacation we’ve always talked about.”
    · “The half naked woman in the living room is the cleaning lady. She’s here to help!”
    · “If I win enough money gambling, let’s eat at -insert nice restaurant- .”


11. Always remember that women are not rational beings. Despite this, they’re the ones in charge. Even if you are successful with the above, they’re on to you.

I’d like to thank my lovely wife for assisting with this list.

I'm on my way to Philly now. Hopefully I'll have a trip to Delilah's Den and/or Atlantic City to write about. If not, then I'll see ya'll Wednesday night.

Last night the idiots got together and played poker from 7pm-5am. We played NLHE (until the last half hour) with .25/.5 blinds. It was the typical loose-passive home game with lots of drinking, lots of pizza, and lots of Girls Gone Wild.

The buy-in cap in our home game is $40 with reloads up to that amount. In these games I rarely have to reload. Last night I had to reload twice!

Here are some of the key hands that I remember.
• KK in late position. O min-raised from EP. He’s easily the loosest player at the table, and I put him on a medium A or two face cards. A few players called, and I bet the pot. O reraised, and everyone else folded. I went all-in. The pot size was about $90! O flipped over AQs. I had a sinking feeling that not praying to the poker gods before the game was going to cost me this pot. It was reload time as my set of K’s was beaten by his flush. Reload time!
• 24s (clubs). The flop contained two clubs. M bet the minimum and I raised to half the pot, hoping to take it there. River was a blank, and I bet half the pot. River was a club, giving me the flush. I bet ¼ the pot and M said “Remember a few weeks ago when you told me that you’ve been betting your draws a lot more? I think that’s what happened here.” Then he folded. Dammit!
• KK in late position. M min raised, and I bet the pot. He was the only caller. R is a rock, so if he had AA or maybe even QQ or AK he would have reraised. Flop was 7QT, rainbow. M bet 1/8 the pot and I went all-in. He called. With AJ. Do I need to say what happened here? He got an A on the turn. I was about an 80% favorite there. Reload time!
• In my hand next was a nice big glass of Lagavullin.
• Hammer time! Of course, I bet the pot with 27o. Three callers. No worries right? Flop was 89Q. I bet half the pot with two callers. Turn was 89Q[J]. I bet half the pot again and everyone folded. The look of disgust on their faces when I showed the hammer was priceless. Almost makes up for the two terrible hands with the cowboys. After this sacrifice to the poker gods, I started winning some hands.
• I was on the button with JTo. Five way limped action and the flop was a beautiful JTT. O bet $2.5 and J raised to $5. Three other players called, including me. Turn was JTT[Q]. G bet $1, which R called quickly and I raised to $5. J, G and R all called! The river was JTTQ[3]. It checked to me, and I bet $7. Miraculously, everyone called and I scooped about a $90 pot.

A few guys left after his hand, so we played five handed for a while. I managed to grind my way back to even when someone complained about a lack of action in the game. Then this conversation occurred.
M: Let’s play Omaha then
O: What are the betting limits in that?
M: Typically they're limit or pot limit.
O: Can we play no limit?
Everyone: HELL YEAH WE CAN!

So yes, we played NO LIMIT OMAHA! M and I are the only ones with even minimal Omaha experience. Five-handed and quite intoxicated, this game was insane. We played cards speak and helped each other declare hands. Luckily we didn’t play O/8 because figuring out which hand won was difficult enough. I won three pretty nice sized pots with a flush, a straight and a flopped full house.

I counted up my chips and I was up $80 on the night. And I have the hammer and NL Omaha to thank for that.

My game has improved lately. I’m considering a move up to a more challenging level, and adding new moves to my repertoire. I’m not just talking about poker. I’m talking about basketball too.

I play full court basketball at a university gym. Because the competition is mostly students, the games are always a good workout and sometimes even quality. After playing three times a week for the last few months, my legs are finally in mid-20’s shape and the jump shot is getting pretty accurate. I usually camp out at the three point line or take mid-range jumpers. But now that I’ve picked up half a step, I occasionally take the ball to the hoop.

There’s a group of guys at the gym that hogs one of the four courts for themselves. They’re jerks. But they’re probably also the best competition this gym has to offer. I’m thinking about getting into this game. At the very least, I’ll play good defense and hit an occasional jump shot. But I doubt I’ll do as well as I do on the courts I usually play. I just want to make sure that I don’t embarrass myself.

I’m facing this same issue in my poker game. I’ve been milking $2/$4 for quite a while now, and I have sufficient funds in the bankroll to handle the variance at $3/$6. But the problem is, I’m comfortable where I’m playing. I know that I can do well at $2/$4. I need to decide if I want to move up in levels because I’m bored, or because I want to grow the bankroll. Maybe both? This weekend, I’m going to do some reading to find out if the level of play at $3/$6 is much better. If it isn’t, then I’ll give $3/6 a shot next week.

My wife has just given me permission to attend Oktoberfest for the third time in four years. I wish I had this blog just four months ago. Oh the stories I could have told.

Let the countdown begin.

This morning while writing out a check to the dry cleaner, I noticed something. Today is January 27, 2005. It’s not a very significant date, really. But it does mean that it has been a month and a half since I last had to travel on business. In 2005 I flew over 100K miles and made the highest United status. This means I get drink coupons, upgrades, and get treated with slightly more respect than the average customer.

Shortly after this realization…you guessed it... I had to make travel plans for next week. Yup. I’m going back to Philly, number eight on my list of favorite North American cities. I’m actually dreading this trip already. This is despite the fact that I’ve been getting bored, fat, and quite drinky here at home. I’m not looking forward to seeing coworkers wearing Eagles jerseys to the office. I’m not looking forward to hearing the Eagles fight song everywhere I go. I’m sure that even Delilah’s, one of my favorite strip clubs, will be decorated in puke green.

Why do I dislike the Eagles? I like Philadelphia – it’s a very underrated city with great restaurants and bars and friendlier-than-expected citizens. I’m also a big fan of Chicagoan Donovan McNabb. At a Philly restaurant two seasons ago I begged him to come back to his hometown and play for the Bears. In no particular order, here are some reasons/experiences that gave me a strong distaste for the Iggles.
· Eagles fans disgust me. Cheering while Michael Irvin was motionless for twenty minutes? Snowballs at Santa Clause? Booing the selection of Donovan McNabb? Tasteless. But typical.
· Jeremiah Trotter and his late hit against Jim Miller in the 2002 playoffs. It’s possible that the Bears would have won that game if Shane Matthews weren’t forced to finish. This is like when Kreese had Bobby sweep Daniel Larusso’s leg. Unfortunately the Bears didn’t have Miyagi in the locker room at halftime.
· During that game, there was a gloating bastard of an Eagles fan at my friend's house. He was there with another guy from Philadelphia. They were the only two guys out of fifty cheering for the Eagles. After the late hit, this guy started celebrating. I really wanted to kick his ass.
· Terrell Owens.

Despite all this, I’ve already put my money on the Eagles +7. I’m reviewing all the crazy prop bets and will post whatever bets I place.

(This Friday night I’m playing poker with a few friends and the bozo from the third bullet above is invited. I hope he shows up. I’ll definitely gun for him.)

So right now my evening plans are up in the air. I’m thinking about spending one night in Atlantic City and going out to dinner with coworkers another evening. Wednesday is already reserved for the WPBT event. It’s my first time playing in a blogger event. Should be good times. I’m nervous that I’m going to end up folding a big pocket pair pre-flop to a big hammer raise. I'm also nervous that the Conshohocken Marriott's high speed Internet access is going to fail me.

Speaking of poker…

Today I played in one of the Party Poker Players Club freerolls. I’ve never played any of the online sites for play money, but imagine that it’s quite similar. Early on, with the blinds at T25/T50, three decent sized stacks went all-in. So I’m thinking it’s probably something like JJ vs AKs vs QQ. Nope! I t was A5s vs KTs vs ATo. An A came on board, and Mr A5 was outkicked. I saw that 1258 registered (when a maximum of 2500 are allowed) and thought that my chances were pretty good.

I found myself with the Hilton Sisters in late position and bet the pot, to eliminate any weak aces. Two callers. Flop was 68J. It was checked to me and I bet the pot. The guy in first position put me all-in. I didn’t think he had a set or two pair. He usually raised pre-flop with pocket pairs (he showed quite often). I had him on AJ, so I called. Yes, I was right for once! Unfortunately the sisters didn’t hold up, as he got a third J on the river.

I’ll probably continue playing these freerolls until I use up all the Players Club points. It’s a great way to get away from the robotic grind of playing 2/4. It’s free and there is still potential to win some money.

I was shopping around at Party Poker, trying to figure out how I should redeem my Players Club points. How many tote bags do I want? Hmmm.... Then I saw something beautiful. An opportunity for free money! You can now use your points in freerolls.
There are eight per day at different point (and cash payout) levels. Here's a quick rundown on how much first place pays for each Party Point buy-in.
Party Points | First Place
-------------------------------
50 | $35
100 | $70
250 | $262.50
500 | $525
1000 | $1050
The top thirty in each tourney pay off. So it's a pretty good deal. At the very least you're getting more experience in a large tournament. My plan is to see what the 50 point tourney is like tomorrow morning and do a writeup.

I'm glad to see Party Poker rewarding loyal customers. This is a great way to keep fishies interested in playing at Party Poker. And anything that keeps the fishies AND provides an opportunity to add to the bankroll is a brilliant idea in my book!

Last night, I didn’t play a single hand of poker. This is probably the first time that this has happened in a long, long time. Let’s see, I played Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve. This wasn’t by design at all. I guess I was just busy.

After work I went to the gym. The wife was there taking a self-defense class, so it was perfect timing. I played basketball for an hour and a half then whaled on my pecs. When we got home, we enjoyed a few protein shakes and enjoyed....

HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE.

Words cannot describe how wonderfully stupid this movie is. But it is pure genius in that the film is an hour and a half long White Castle commercial. The entire movie I kept saying “I really want to go to White Castle right now.” The thought of jalapeno cheeseburgers had me drooling like my dog does just before her 6pm feeding time. The spicy sliders would have been a perfect complement to the cabernet I was sipping. After the movie, the wife said, “Do you still want to go to White Castle?” GAME ON!

DP and MRS DP GO TO WHITE CASTLE!

Unfortunately (fortunately) White Castle is just a few miles away from us. So we don’t have too many (any) stories to tell about the journey. One funny thing though was that there were two customers in front of us in the drive through lane. And one of them was a guy on a moped! Keep in mind that it was probably –6 degrees last night after wind chill. There was still a ton of snow on the ground. And he wasn’t wearing a helmet. The guy ordered a ten pack that he put into his messenger bag. How high was he???

So we ordered a twenty pack - ten jalapeno cheeseburgers and ten regular cheeseburgers. Along with four orders of fries and two grape Fantas, this might have been too much food. We didn’t finish them all, but that just meant we’d have some delicious leftovers. White Castle burgers are one of the few foods that don’t lose any (ahem) quality when reheated in the microwave. I can verify this because I’m enjoying one for breakfast right now.

Just got done with dig#1 - the wife's car. I got halfway through my car and needed a break. I sat down in front of the fireplace with the laptop and got me a nice hand...




I was up against a full house and it paid off pretty well.

Go Falcons and Patriots!

I'll leave you with a pic of my shoveling assistant...

I’m very hung over right now, but here’s what I remember from last night…

Last night’s tourney was quite a success. Over $45,000 was raised for Children’s Oncology Services. Local celebs Roeper (of Ebert and Roeper), former Bear Chris Zorich, and my favorite news anchor Anna Davlantes were in attendance.

My friend L and I met at 6pm in the hotel bar to enjoy a few beverages before the tournament and watch the Illinois-Iowa game. We took a quick break to register and were informed that the bar was open. Game on!

Twenty minutes before the tournament I already had four glasses of vodka in me. I know it’s not a good idea to drink and play, but it’s for charity, right?

We all began the tourney with T10000. The blinds started off at T100-T200, and increased every fifteen minutes. With Trump Casino running the show, everything was well organized. All the drinking made for a potential clusterf*ck, but there were no problems at all. Players were shuffled from table to table efficiently and the dealers did a great job creating side pots and calling out hands for newbies.

Because it was a charity event there were a few players with no poker experience. One guy saw every hand for the first orbit. He won one when he check-called AA on every street. I wanted his chips. Unfortunately he was eliminated early on.

I didn’t play a hand for the first three levels. When the blinds were at T200-T400, I stole the blinds with KTs. A few hands later, L, who was also at my table won a huge pot with K2o. I have no idea what the other three players in that hand had.

Every now and then, I would hit the bar and sneak a quick peek at my girl Anna. Good stuff.

I got KK when the blinds were at T400-T800. I raised from middle position, and everyone folded. It was one of the few hands where there was no action. Just my luck. That’s when I was informed that Illinois won in OT. Whew. Thank you Random Guy with Blackberry.

We then took a fifteen minute break. I added 5000 chips for an additional $30. I probably wouldn’t have done this given the blind structure, but it was for a great cause. More drinking occurred.

I went back to my seat and counted out my chips. A little bit more than T16000. This is when a newspaper reporter interviewed me. I have no idea what I said. Too drinky. Sensing this, my wife brought me a glass of water. God bless that woman. I do remember that they took get a picture of my reaction to L winning his all-in bet with K2o.

When play resumed, the blinds were at T800-T1600. That’s when the all-in madness began. Every hand, at least one person pushed their chips in. But the play was still extremely slow.

I took another bar/bio break and L was eliminated. I didn’t ask what happened.

Next thing I knew the blinds were T1600-3200. I was in seat 2, and thought that I was the big blind. So I posted. Uh oh. It wasn’t my turn to post. Stupid vodka! I looked down and saw I had JT s. Not a hand I would normally play UTG, but not the end of the world either. Then I heard a guy say “all-in.” It was only for T1000 more, so I called. And lost to 88.

Then it was truly my turn in the BB. And of course, this is when the blinds moved to T3200-6400. Ouch! I got QTs and had no choice but to go all-in. IGHN. There were about thirty players left, so not too bad I suppose.

Back to the bar! An hour later I decided to send myself home. But I couldn’t find my coat! Where the hell was it? I think that I might have accused Chris Zorich of taking it. I finally found it on the back of a chair. Yes, the one that I was sitting on during the tournament.

When I got home my wife said, “What the hell is all this?” I brought home a few, um, parting gifts. How about forty-seven decks of playing cards?!? Trump had a table full of previously used decks. I think I might have taken a few too many.

L stayed at the Hard Rock for the final table. I may have outlasted him in the tournament, but he definitely won the drinking marathon.

As I posted last week, tonight I'm playing in a charity NLHE tourney. It's going to be professionaly run by the managers/dealers at Trump Casino Indiana. Time to start strategizing....

Rules below. I'll post a report tomorrow.

For the first hour of play, you will be allowed to buy back into play as long as you are bankrupt. Each buy in will cost $50.00 and only Cash and Check will be accepted (NO CREDIT CARDS FOR BUY INS).

In addition, at the end of the first hour there will be a bonus buy at a cost of $30.00.

For, each buy in you will receive 5,000 chips.

1. At the registration table, all entrants must check in, sign a waiver that binds them to the rules set forth in this document, and proceed to the playing area. No participant will be allowed to play unless the waiver is signed.
2. Initial seating is open. Please sit where you like at the table assigned by your table marshal.
3. A change of seat is not allowed after play starts, except as assigned by the director.
4. The appropriate starting amount of chips (10,000) will be placed on the table for each paid entrant at the beginning of the event, whether the person is present or not. Absent players will be dealt in, and all chips necessary for antes and blinds will be put into the pot. Please count your chips prior to the start of play. Once play begins, the number of chips will not be changed.
5. If a paid entrant is absent at the start of the event, the chips will be left in place until arrival. If the player does not show, the chips may be removed from play at the discretion of the director anytime after a full hour of play has elapsed.
6. A late arrival will be penalized for any missed blinds, and, that player must match the first big blind played upon arrival regardless of the button position.
7. There will be a bet and 4 raises.
8. Blinds are raised at 15-minute intervals.
9. If there is a signal designating the end of a betting level, the new limits apply on the next deal. (A deal begins with the first riffle of the shuffle.)
10. The lowest denomination of chip in play may be removed from the table when it is no longer needed in the blind or ante structure. All lower-denomination chips that are of sufficient quantity for a new chip can be changed up directly.
11. If you are not present when it becomes your turn to act, your hand is dead. This includes situations in which a live blind is not present to act, since an absent player cannot exercise the option to raise.
12. As players are eliminated, tables are broken down in a pre-set order, with players from the broken tables assigned to empty seats at other tables.
13. The number of players at each table will be kept reasonably balanced by the transfer of a player as needed. With more than six tables, table size will be kept within two players. With six tables or less, table size will be kept within one player.
14. Multiple rebuys for $50 is allowed during the first hour of play. Any player who participates with be given 5,000 in chips, a note will be taken by your table representative, and you will be required to pay for each rebuy at the Bank following the end of the first hour of play. CASH OR CHECK ONLY!
15. In all events, there is a redraw for seating when the field is reduced to three tables, two tables, and one table. Seat one is classified as the seat immediately to the dealers left. Seat ten is immediately to the dealer’s right.
16. A player who declares all in and loses the pot, then discovers that one or more chips were hidden, is not entitled to benefit from this. That player is eliminated from the tournament if the opponent had sufficient chips to cover the hidden ones. If another deal has not yet started, the director may rule the chips belong to the opponent who won that pot, if that obviously would have happened with the chips out in plain view. If the next deal has started, the discovered chips are removed from the tournament.
17. If a player lacks sufficient chips for a blind or a forced bet, the player is entitled to get action on whatever amount of money remains. A player who posts a short blind and wins does not need to make up the blind.
18. All players must leave their seat immediately after being eliminated from the event.
19. Showing cards from a live hand during the action injures the rights of other players still competing in an event, who wish to see contestants eliminated. A player may not show any cards during a deal (unless the event has only two remaining players). If a player deliberately shows a card, that hand may be ruled dead and the player penalized.
20. Inappropriate behavior like throwing cards that go off the table may be punished with a penalty such as being dealt out for a length of time. A severe infraction such as abusive or disruptive behavior may be punished by eviction from the tournament.
21. The deck is not changed on request. Decks change only when there is a damaged card.
22. This tournament will use a dealer button. The starting position of the button is determined by dealing for the high card.
23. The dealer button remains in position until the appropriate blinds are taken. Players must post all blinds every round.
24. The button moves one seat left after each round, and signifies the individual that starts each betting round.
25. The small blind is paid by the person immediately to the left of the button, and the person immediately to left of the small blind pays the big blind. Betting begins with the person immediately to the left of the big blind.
26. If a down card on the initial hand is dealt face-up, a misdeal is called.
27. The cards speak for themselves. Any player may point out a hand or fact missed by the dealer.
28. All hands will be turned face-up whenever a player is all-in and betting action is complete.
29. If two (or more) players go broke during the same hand, the player starting the hand with the larger amount of money finishes in the higher tournament place for prizes.
30. COSI and the State of Illinois strictly prohibit any private deals, side bets, or redistribution of the prize pool among finalists.
31. Private agreements by remaining players in an event regarding distribution of the prize pool are not condoned.
32. A tournament event is expected to be played until completion. A private agreement that removes all prizes from being at stake in the competition is unethical.
33. COSI retains the right to cancel any event, or alter it in a manner fair to the players.
34. All floor person’s decisions are final.

• I forgot how painful and enjoyable American Idol’s first few episodes are. I don’t know why, but I don’t mind Novocain injections. Kind of the same feeling.
• I really wish that my wife would let me smoke cigars inside the crib.
• I watched the Golden Globes the other night. WTF is up with Johnny Depp’s accent? Are we sure this is the same Depp who was on 21 Jump Street?
• Is it weird that I don't find Gwyneth Paltrow, Renee Zelwegger, and Nicole Kidman attractive?
• Vote for Pedro.
• The INSIDE of my windshield froze today. How the hell does this happen? Wayyyy too cold in Chicago right now. Just 38 days til Ft Lauderdale and 58 days til Vegas.
• Following Pauly’s lead, I was curious to see how people found my blog. Some people found Pauly’s by searching for Scarlet Johansen nude. Well, here are some of my favorite Google searches: “Joe ‘Bean’ Esposito You’re the Best”, and “Ivana apprentice thong.” I really need to work on my blog’s content…
• Basketball in Illinois is hot right now. We have the Bulls on a roll and my Fighting Illini still ranked at number one. Oskeewowowmuthafugga.
• Speaking of basketball…Is there any better sport to play to get into shape? I’ve played three times a week for two months. Brad Pitt, watch out. Oh wait! Your wife is living with her hairdresser!
• I busted out an And-1 move on my friend R the other day. I was along the baseline and passed it to myself off the corner of the backboard. He wasn’t too pleased. That's when our one on one game turned into an And-1 move only game. We never finished.
• Reading my favorite blogs with a glass (OK, several) of wine in front of the fireplace. Good times.
• I told Mrs DP that whatever profit I made at Party Poker tonight would be used for dinner on Friday night. She was expecting a #2 at McDonald’s. I made $250. Need to make a reservation. Think I could reserve the whole McDonald’s Playland?
• I’m really looking forward to the finale of Poker Superstars. I have a feeling it will be much more exciting than the Super Bowl. Can I bet on the AFC right now???
• Waldemar - Frankie Williams still sucks.

1. You have your Neteller Account ID, Secure ID, and password memorized.
2. When playing in a B&M or home game you look for the Bet/Raise button after being dealt AA.
3. You forget that in B&M’s you can actually tip the dealer!
4. You've dreamt about check-raising aces full.
5. After logging in and joining four new tables, you notice that you already have Poker Tracker stats on over half the players there.
6. When playing, you insist on wearing your lucky pajamas, no matter what time of day.
7. You feel relieved that someone finally won the Party Poker Bad Beat jackpot because you can finally sleep/work/eat/bathe.
8. When you go to Starbucks or any place that has wireless Internet access you think to yourself, “I should have brought my laptop because I could play poker here.”
9. You come up with various poker + do-something-else inventions. For example, the online poker elliptical machine.
10. When dealt 27o, you stand up and sing “Stop! Hammer time!” then do a dance.

After a morning of multi-tabling the wretched Party Poker bad beat tables, I needed to get a snack. After two and a half hours of play (and $4 profit - woo hooo) I went to the grocery store where I treated myself to some fine rotisserie chicken. Marinated. Yum. The checkout lines were insanely long.

This gave me the opportunity to categorize people based on what was in their cart or basket:

· The Bachelor/College student – Ramen noodles, twelve pack of Bud Light, twelve pack of condoms
· SWF – D Cell batteries, two pints of Haagen-Daaz ice cream, (it’s a Friday), In Style Magazine
· Guy cooking for date – Two bottles of wine, olive oil, pasta, chicken, assorted spices, toothpaste, recipe in hand, twelve pack of condoms
· Married guy sent on a mission from wife – Has a shopping list! Cart includes yogurt, all sorts of strange vegetables, napkins AND paper towels, garbage bags, eggs, diapers, no condoms.
· Marlboro Man – Had no cart, no basket. Just waiting in line. Yup…wanted cigarettes.
· Book Club Girl – Cheese, crackers and gourmet cookies
· Miss New Year's Resolution – Wearing workout gear and has lowfat everything, bottled water, fruits and veggies

This game is fun!

Mean Gene requested it. So here it is. Below is a scrubbed excerpt of what I sent to my friend about the performance of Spamalot that I saw last week.

Well, I definitely recommend Spamalot. I'm sure that my business travels will bring me to New York within the next few months and hope to catch it on Broadway. Tickets for the show were very scarce, so I was lucky to find someone on Craig's list that was willing to swap 4th row for my Bears-Packers seats.

Before getting the tickets, we didn't realize how big-time the cast was:
Tim Curry - King Arthur
David Hyde Pierce - Sir Robin
Hank Azaria - Lancelot, Head Knight of Ni, Taunting Frenchman, Tim the Enchanter

I hadn't seen the Holy Grail in a while, which was probably a good thing. I think I laughed pretty much the entire time. I don't know if the poker playing has me a observing others a little more, but did notice that others enjoyed it as much as I did. There even a few women in front of us who were in tears. I loved the Producers and this was even funnier. Speaking of which,in the Producers movie, Will Ferrell is going to play the Nazi. Should be high comedy.

Not only does the show spoof the Camelot legend - it also pokes fun at musicals. There's a duet between Arthur and the Lady of the Lake (a spoiled diva with a BIG voice) called "The Song that Goes Like This." Andrew Lloyd Webber and Broadway were targets. They also did a Fiddler on the Roof type dance. This was because Arthur's task (after getting the shrubbery) was to get on Broadway. Well, they decided that in order to succeed on Broadway, they needed a Jew. Just hilarious. All jokes about ethnic stereotypes are funny in my book

Azaria was probably the star of the show, because of his countless roles. He was amazing as a taunting Frenchman. His ability to do multiple voices and accents was definitely put to use. He was also solid as Tim the Enchanter. This was my second time seeing Azaria on stage. The first was in “Sexual Perversity in Chicago, “ the Mamet play on which About Last Night was based. His Gay Lancelot performance alone surpassed what I had seen from him previously. They did a Village People style routine. I didn't know he could dance so well. I almost believed he was gay. And finally, Azaria was also a Knight of Ni. I don’t understand how the other actors could keep straight faces while he played this role to perfection

All the great characters made the show - Knights of Ni, the French Taunter, Black Knight. When the Black Knight came out, the entire crowd erupted. It's amazing how even when you're expecting something to happen, it can still be so new.

Oh, and there are some hot women in the show too. The Lady of the Lake's friends was called the "Laker Girls." And there was a scene where the inside of a castle was a Vegas style casino. Yes, complete with showgirls. Wooo hooo!

The show ended with a sing a long to "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life." It's been in my head since we left. Slightly annoying. But could you imagine how bothered the wife is by me saying, "Ni, Ni!" all the time?

On January 20 there is going to be a NL Tourney at the Hard Rock Hotel benefiting Children's Oncology Services. The buy-in is $125 for up to 240 players. First place is a trip to Vegas for two. Open bar during the tourney! The dealers are from Trump, so it should be well-run. There aren't too many opportunities for (legal) tournament play in the Chicago area, so I'm definitely in. Register here. It's for a great cause!

The Harrah's WSOP Instant Win Game is Fixed! Just last week I b!tched about getting a full house and losing to another full house. Today I got the same exact hand! Yes, I know I probably deserve it for playing 23o....





Speaking of odds... I just paid a visit to my friends at Sportsbook.com and put a little money on the Rams +7. They might as well give me the money now, because I think that they're going to beat the Falcons. It really pained me to type that, considering how much I hate the Rams and Mike Martz.

Wow. The Party Poker Bad Beat Jackpot is greater than $330K right now! I figured that I'd give them a try. I've heard that the tables were quite fishy, and that some money could be made there.

Yeah, right! Two days of Bad Beat tables have yielded me -50 BB! Luckily I've also been playing the standard 2/4 tables and $20 SnG's with success! The Bad Beat tables are insanely loose - five people seeing the flop even after a raise. And they'll call you til the end. I had Gametime+ running with Poker Tracker the entire time, and it seemed like there were at least four fish at each table. This is supposed to be good, right?

I think that too many fish is a bad thing. I know that in the long run, it's supposed to be profitable. But when you have two other players seeing the river no matter how aggressive you are, and how good your hand is, you'll take some poundings. Aces have been cracked three times. Top set after the flop has lost to runner runner flushes and straights. Too bad Phil Hellmuth isn't here to document these for his hand of the week. He'd have enough for two years (if he ever updated his site). I certainly don't want to write any more about them and relive the the experiences.

So for now, i'm going to try to stay away from those tables. I should be environmentally conscious and find out what the DNR's creel limit on Party Poker fishies is (per table not daily).

Hopefully someone wins that jackpot soon so that the insanity stops.

After today's events, I'm still considering a move to 3/6. I definitely have at least 300BB in the bankroll to cover the swings there. Just a frustrating thing.

UPDATE - I received some new Jessica Alba pics to calm down
Jessica 1
Jessica 2
Jessica 3
Jessica 4
Jessica 5
Jessica 6

I’m completely trashed right now. I just got back from drinking with some friends from college. After being married for 3+ years, my game isn’t up to par. Not that I care. Thus came the following exchanges:

At a college bar….
(overheard) Hot chick: I really need to go to the bathroom again.
Me: That’s why you should wear Depends.
Hot chick: [cold stare] You’re an idiot
Me: Yeah.

Later at the same bar….
Cute girl: Does that ring mean you’re married?
Me: No, I’m the Green Lantern.
Cute girl: Huh????

All this infuriated my single friends. I scared away some cute girls who they thought they had a chance with. Whatever.

Finally, the best part of the evening. In a taxi cab…
DW: Guys, if I make a lot of money on this project, we’re all going to Amsterdam.
Me: I can’t wait to tea-bag a hooker.
DW: Huh? I thought that tea-bagging meant you had stuff in your mouth.
Me: Dude, for at least the last seven years, you’ve been on the wrong end of the deal.

Okay, I was going to do a bigwriteup of Monty Python's Spamalot" but got distracted by the pics below. Anyway, the show was amazing. It's "A new musical lovingly ripped off from the motion picture Monty Python and the Holy Grail." Cast members included David Hyde Pierce, Tim Curry, and one of my faves....Hank Azaria. Azaria had multiple roles, and was able to utilize his skill at doing very odd voices. Needless to say, the show was freakin' hilarious. Chicago is the host for the pre-Broadway showing. I hope to catch it again in New York. Anything for a good cameltoe joke!

I double and triple-checked my calendar. It definitely isn't my birthday this week. I have received a set of links from yet another one of my favorite hotties. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...Anna Kournikova:

Pic 1
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Pic 4
Pic 5
Pic 6
Pic 7
Pic 8
Pic 9
Pic 10
Pic 11
Pic 12
Pic 13

This morning I made my usual trip to the WSOP sweepstakes page. My email address and birthday were entered into the input fields and I hit submit. Instead of picking "Mr Vegas," this time I selected "The Rock" as my character. I was dealt pocket threes. No big deal. I've given better pockets, yet have never won a prize. But wait, I made a full house! Do you smell what the Rock is cooking??? Oh, no! Unfortunately, Mr Vegas had a bigger full house!

It's as if Vince McMahon teamed up with Harrah's to break my heart. It's a typical
wrestling storyline. I changed tag team partners, selecting the Rock. Old partner, Mr Vegas, comes back and steals my belt, valet, and fancy boots with tassles. If only Jim Ross were in my office yelling, "Good god.....Good god.... If looks could kill, Donkeypuncher would be on death row!"

I wonder if Poker Tracker, my new best friend, would have me rated as a fish in this stupid freakin' game.

Tonight is a big TV night for me. A night that makes me glad that we purchased a Tivo. Now that the Apprentice is done, Wednesday night may surpass Thursday night as my favorite show for chillin’ on the couch with the remote. (If they move Will and Grace to the 8pm Central slot, I’d reconsider.)

ALIAS is back on the air! And it’s on the same night as Lost! WOW! In times polluted by reality television, it’s great to have quality serial shows on the air. Yes, I do enjoy some reality TV. But those shows can get old, boring, and most of all…annoying.

This will be the fourth season for Alias. Last year wasn’t as good as the previous two, but from what I’ve seen and read, this year should be very high quality. The season premier alone cost $3.6 million. The show is very challenging. You actually have to think. I contemplated picking up a game theory book very soon just to see if I could follow Jack Bristow’s thinking. I’m sure it would help with the poker-ing as well. I spent a few weeks this fall re-watching seasons 1-3 on DVD. Season two was probably the best. It’s probably not too late to start watching what is probably the best show on television!

Lost. Wow. At first I thought that I couldn’t watch any show that featured Charlie Salinger from Part of Five. Seriously. (If it weren’t for the PO5 episodes where Charlie had Hodgkin’s, I probably wouldn’t have given Lost a second thought. Yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ about.) And that Kate chick. She fine.

Speaking of fine chicks. I posted those Jessica Alba links yesterday. Today I found some great pics of another girl in my list of top ten hotties. Kirsten Dunst.

WARNING! IF YOU ARE AT WORK, THESE PHOTOS INCLUDE NUDITY! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pic 1
Pic 2
Pic 3
Pic 4
Pic 5

I wonder how much the photographer got for those photos. What if she and Jessica Alba were at the same beach and……um…….

I've had too much coffee once again. I might not make much sense, and have a lot of typos due to the twitchy fingers…

Poker Tracker
I’ve been using Poker Tracker for a few weeks. After reading other bloggers’ posts I decided it was about time that I at least evaluated it. At first, I was thoroughly confused. It seemed like almost too much information. Then I read this great article for Poker Tracker Newbies. It includes some best practices and says which statistics are most important. Yes!

So after two weeks of using the licensed version, here’s where I stand (playing $2/$4):
TA-P (Tight Aggressive pre-flop - Passive post flop)
VP$IP: 18.66
BB/100: 4.07

I have mixed feelings about this. The BB/100 I’m definitely satisfied about. Especially considering how much I’ve played over the last two weeks.

I think it might be better for me if my VP$IP were a little bit higher. I’m considering loosening up a little bit, particularly in late position. I wonder what my VP$IP would be if I actually did follow the guidelines Lee Jones lists in “Winning Low Limit Hold’em.” In LP, he writes that with five or more callers in front, you can call with 64s-53s and QXs. That isn’t my style, but I can see how it can lead to success.

The post-flop aggression doesn’t concern me too much. When four to seven players see the flop, it’s difficult to be aggressive when the flop will totally miss you most of the time. Lots of those player will play any two cards and often times I’ll fold AK to a bet (or a raise if I open) and the flop doesn’t look good. With just one or two opponents in the pot, I’m definitely more aggressive. If I were playing higher limits like 10/20, I would definitely worry about the P post-flop.

Trips
Just booked our summer vacation to Australia. We’ll be there for 11 days (late May). I can’t freakin’ wait. Since the flight is so long, I booked us in bidness class. I used my United miles for this but had to pay a whole $108 in fees. Not bad!

So what did I do after booking? Yes, I did the research to see if there is a casino in Sydney. Yes, there is. Ch-ching! I can see myself check-raising an aboriginal and getting my head lopped off.

In February I’m gonna head down to Florida to see my bro in Ft Lauderdale. I’ll also spend some time in Key Largo getting a few dives in. I haven’t done a dive in two years, and want to ensure that I’m ready for diving the Great Barrier. Getting goose bumps thinking about it…

In March, it’s off to Vegas. I’ve been there the last eight years for March Madness. So this is the time of year when I’ll watch ANY college basketball game in preparation for wagers (losing) that will be placed. We’ll be at Mandalay Bay. This is perfect because the poker room is right next to the sports book. They might as well just leave me with a pillow down there…

Jessica
Speaking of Vegas, did anyone else know that Jessica Alba is going to be in a movie where she plays a Vegas stripper? Wow.

Oh, and here are some pics someone sent to me of Ms Alba. I love her.
http://home.socal.rr.com/epit/chicks/JA01.jpg
http://home.socal.rr.com/epit/chicks/JA02.jpg
http://home.socal.rr.com/epit/chicks/JA03.jpg
http://home.socal.rr.com/epit/chicks/JA04.jpg
http://home.socal.rr.com/epit/chicks/JA06.jpg
http://home.socal.rr.com/epit/chicks/JA07.jpg

Just a few...

• Because of a recent power outage, I needed to reprogram my Tivo to do the 30 second skip (perfect for bypassing commercials). If you haven’t done it yet, here’s the info

• If I had a Hall of Fame ballot, I’d put an X next to Boggs, Sandberg, Dawson, Sutter, L Smith and Gossage.

• We saw a production of the Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) the other night. I can’t remember laughing so hard in such a long time.

• My parents got my aunt and uncle a karaoke machine for Christmas. After a few drinks, I took the mic and sang Come Sail Away and Dancing Queen. I rocked.

• NYE was very relaxing. There were six of us sipping wine, eating cheese and crackers, and enjoying my new favorite game… Scene It. Holy crap is it fun. Mrs. DP and I dominated. Yes, my knowledge of pop culture occasionally does come in handy.

• If you don’t have it already, Seasons 1 and 2 of Saved by the Bell are a great way to spend lazy mornings.

• Yesterday’s poker open house was a success. Nine people attended. The damage: Three pizzas, two cases of beer, two bottles of scotch, $40, several bruised egos, one fattened dog. As alcohol consumption increased, so did sloppy play.

• I got stiffed on eBay. A woman bid on Bears-Packers tickets (for a nice profit). And didn’t pay, leaving me with the tickets two days before the game.

• Last night I found someone on Craig’s list who wanted to exchange Spamalot tickets for Bears-Packers tickets. DONE!

• MIL got me an espresso machine for Christmas. On Friday I had four shots in half an hour. I danced around the condo to Madonna for about an hour nonstop.

• My friend S is a Chicago firefighter and worked NYE. He saw a lot of ugly stuff that night. Why must people continue to be stupid and risk their (and others) lives???

• The Illini crushed Cincinnati on Friday night! Time for me to book my Final Four hotel room…

• Along those lines…I can’t believe that Georgia Tech blew the game at Kansas! I guess Dick Vitale will continue to rank KU ahead of Illinois. He’s the only one out of all the ESPN “experts” to do so. What a moron.

Sorry for the whack formatting... you'll need to scroll down to see the actual post. I'll try to fix this.