Poker? Is that what I played last night?

Harry and I played in the Children’s Oncology Services tournament last night. As is typical during these types of events, the play was horrendous.

Some play from one of the clowns:

• With blinds at 200/400, and one limper (Harry), I raised to 2500 with AKs. UTG clown called, as did Harry. Flop is 236. Clown bet, Harry pushed in, I folded. Clown called the big bet. Harry showed TT and clown had… 46! Turn was another 6, and Harry re-bought.


• With the blinds at 400/800, and the board showing 67T, clown called two all-in bets, and hits a gut-shot straight with 39o!


• A few levels later, and the flop KQ8, he called two more all-in bets with Th-2h. There was one heart on the board. Then he said, “I’ll get a flush.” Sure enough, he received runner-runner hearts.

The horrible play took a tiny bit of fun out of the tournament. But it was for charity. And open bar. All I could think was, “I would love to get these guys in a real game.”

I didn’t see a pocket pair the entire tourney. AK was the only hand with an ace that I received. Needless to say, I didn’t make it very far at all. Very short stacked, I went all-in blind from the big blind. At showdown I flipped over 2c-4c. I actually had a straight flush draw on the flop, but nothing helped. I go drink now.

On my way to the bar, I stopped at the display of prizes. One of the prizes was a box of cigars. Odd that they would have such things at a cancer fundraiser!

A few minutes later, I found a few of the guys who were at my tourney table. They wanted to play a cash game. I found a deck of cards, but we had a problem – no chips. Despite my pleas to the tournament director, we couldn’t get any chips. We had almost given up, but at the bar I had a brilliant idea:


The button was a peanut, and straws were used instead of chips. We played a four-handed freeze-out. Here’s a sampling of the hands I received: AJ (twice), AK, KK, JJ, 77, TT. Where the hell were those cards in the tourney? Needless to say, I won the freeze-out.

I didn’t see Anna Davlantas, or receive the hammer. So there was only one goal left from yesterday’s post that I could still achieve. I had eaten fifteen BBQ sammiches, consumed a bottle of Effen vodka, and asked what the rank of hands was. It was time to talk to Richard Roeper.

The problem was that he was still in the tournament, so I couldn’t get into a conversation with him. There was only one option. I stood across the table from him, and yelled, “SNAKES ON A PLANE!! SNAKES ON A MUTHAFUCKIN PLANE!!! AND THERE AIN’T A GODDAMM THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!”

One guy started laughing. Roeper looked up and seemed confused. Apparently he’s not very excited about the release of what is sure to be the summer blockbuster. Some “movie critic” he is.

And now I end this with the story that made my evening. After busting out, all Harry did was drink, and chat up the ladies. While everyone was huddled around the final table, Harry found a very good looking blonde.

Harry: Hi there, I’m Harry
Hottie: Hi Harry, I’m Michelle
Harry: (some line that I forgot)
Hottie: Actually, Harry, I met you last year. You tried picking me up last year with that same line. You even serenaded me. You and your friend here [pointing to me] both went to the U of I and we discussed the Illinois-Iowa game. You don’t remember that, do you?
Me: [Walked away, laughing uncontrollably]
Harry: [Stunned silence]

Good times...