Well, I got nothing. I'm packing for my trip to Philly.

But Pauly & Co have put together the latest issue of Truckin'. Really good stuff.

This past week much time was spent in museums and admiring Chicago architecture. What might be my favorite piece of work was witnessed yesterday - the pitching artistry of Greg Maddux. Despite being forty years old, and looking as physically imposing as an accountant, he’s 5-0. His fastball tops out in the upper 80’s - it’s the movement he gets on his pitches and the return of his pinpoint accuracy that has hitters baffled and Tony LaRussa asking umpires to check for doctored balls.

I met Maddux at a mall opening his rookie season. The one in which he went 6-14. I was twelve years old, almost as big as him, and wondered how the hell this guy could be a MLB player. The following season was when his string of seventeen 15-win seasons began. When it ended last year, I was crushed. I thought it was the end of my favorite pitcher’s career and that he might be forced into retirement if his 2006 season started poorly.

But he got himself into better shape. I’m sure he feels at least five years younger.. Watching him pitch the way he has makes me feel that same way.

Three players saw the turn and action was cappped (heads up) after the river. Needless to say, a very good session.

I officially have five more days of freedom left.

You see, I gots me a job.

At the very same company that laid me off. Kinda weird, eh?

So essentially what they did was give me a paid, three-week vacation. And a raise. I'm taking on a more challenging, higher profile position in a different group. I can't wait to get started. I’ll be able to travel to Latin America and/or Asia a few times a year. I hope to be propositioned by hookers in at least five languages by year-end.

This week has been great. It's like that week in college - the one before classes officially start. If you were a degenerate like me, you probably arrived way early, to get a few more nights of drunken debauchery. Sure, it's been a little more difficult to find drinking partners. But I'm not one who's afraid to sit at the bar solo. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. Another similarity to my college experience is the constant rejection from the ladies (the ladies). Goddamm I can’t wait for Mrs DP to read that last sentence.

I’ve spent the past few days wandering Chicago like a tourist. Wandering through museums, people watching, shopping (I bought some Tretorns today. I know you’re happy for me), and appreciating downtown – all at my own pace, have been quite a treat. Today, outside of the Field Museum, I was actually mistaken for a tourist:

Blonde Bimbo: Pardon sir. Take photo? (hands me camera)
Me: Sure thing. Say cheese.
Blonde Bimbo: You speak English very well.
Me: Yeah, not bad for someone who grew up in this city, eh?
Blonde Bimbo: (scurries off)

Next week I’m in Philly. Hopefully I’ll be able to find youknowwho at youknowwhere.

I’m a week and a half into unemployment. And you know what? It’s not all that bad. Sure, there’s the stress of not having a job and being five months away from having a baby boy. (We found out last week that the baby has HUGE junk.) But when I find myself able to think about and do other things, it’s quite glorious.

My day usually begins at 10:30am – unless I have scheduled an early morning interview. By “early” I mean 9:30ish. I’ll pour a bowl of cereal or eat steel cut oats – yeah, I’m still trying to lower the cholesterol. As I eat my breakfast in front of the pc, I’ll usually play a SNG on Full Tilt and send out some resumes via Monster and CareerBuilder. After a shower (maybe) and a dog walk, my day begins. It’s usually a combination of these activities: 3/6 LHE on FTP, golf, download porno, gym, nap, reading parenting books at Barnes and Noble, sitting at a bar, rub one out two porno, driving range. I haven’t been to a Cubs game yet, but fully intend on attending one during their next homestand.

I’ve found myself cooking more. There really isn’t an excuse not to. The wife works hard for her money so I better treat her right. And it’s grilling season. Goddamm me loves the grill. After dinner there are only two options. Drinking at home OR drinking at the bar. Cocktails + smokey scent + pregnant wife with sense of smell = passing out on the couch.

Rince, repeat.

Tomorrow I have a face to face interview in Dallas for a position with my former employer. Yeah, the peeps who laid me off and gave me two weeks to find a new job. So wish me luck. My futon days might be coming to an end.

Off to the driving range…

Comments from my last post:

"You are SO gay."
-DuggleBogey

"Ubergeigh"
Kid Dynamite

".. you've gone soft."
- Johnny FlopBoot

It was a night of freedom for Figgy and me. We were both done with work by 3pm, my workday the final one with that company. The Strokes concert was at 7:30. It was the night we were going to pretend we were young and single and party like rock stars. We were going to smoke some cigarettes. Maybe do some drugs. Perhaps a young co-ed would have her first sexual experience with a man in his thirties. We planned on seeing the sun rise and waking our wives with the smell of smoke, Jameson, and strawberry stripper lotion. I was going to prove everyone wrong. I haven’t gone soft. I’m not ubergeigh.

Instead, I was in bed by 2am.

The show was great, and we did consume numerous beverages at a local drinking establishment. But it was what we experienced before the show that I’m going to write about.

Figgy and I watched some golf and drank a lot of Guinness. Then we realized we needed to head out to get some food. Our first stop was the Green Mill, a blues and jazz club that Daddy is quite familiar with. Unfortunately, they didn’t have any menus. So we left. Between the Green Mill and a Mexican joint was Crew, a sports bar. In their front window were neon beer signs and a menu with standard bar fare.

The first thing I ordered was a beer – some microbrew IPA. Being the good Catholic I am, I requested a grilled cheese sammich. After placing his order, Figgy went to the bathroom. I watched sports on their multiple plasma TV’s. Then started noticing things.

Upon Figgy’s return, and I asked if he noticed anything strange.

For instance:

• The bar had a pool table, but no Golden Tee machine
  
• Half the TV’s were tuned into tennis
  
• Rachael Yamagata was playing in the background
  
• Sunday night was “Desperate Housewives” night
  
• All the wait staff was male. Some of them had sleeveless shirts, which on the back said “Wanna Play?” and “Home of the Fighting Cocks”
  
• Our server’s name was Brutus
  
• The guy who had the shirt that said “I <3 Tight Ends”
  
• On the beer menu was a brew called “Dirty Dick’s”
  
• How energetically the cooks hit the bell when an order was up
  
• The banner quoting Homer: “I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming”
  
• And finally, the Gay Games poster the wall behind us

Yup. Figgy and I were at a gay sports bar. Who even knew such things existed?

“Oh, so that’s why there is a picture of a guy in a speedo on the Men’s room door.”

We finished our meals and had another beer, trying to figure out how many people were there accidentally - just part of the pre-concert crowd looking to have a beer.

While Figgy settled the tab, I used the men’s room. When I got back, I said, “Dude, that isn’t just a photo of a guy in a speedo. It’s an autographed picture of Greg Lougainis.”

We got up to leave. On the way out, I saw something on the DJ both that I should have noticed on the way in. The sign read something like, “$5 for a decent song. $1 for a good song. For Mariah, Britney or Christina, go to Halsted Street.”

If we had more time I would have requested Kelly Clarkson.

Ubergeigh. That’s me.

[Update: Figgy just reminded me that as we were getting carded by the bouncer, he said in an excited tone, "AWESOME!"]

Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone

Here's the thing
We started out friends
It was cool, but it was all pretend
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
You're dedicated, you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I picture me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you, now I get what I want
Since you been gone

How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
Guess you never felt that way

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah, yeah
Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want
Since you been gone

You had your chance, you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you been gone (since you been gone)
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get, I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so movin' on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know) that I get
I get what I want

Since you been gone
Since you been gone
Since you been gone

Spartacus
Tiger Woods
POKER CHAMP!

I suggest that everyone go back and read every post from day one. That's some serious entertainment. Genius. Pure genius.

Name that tune (lyrics tomorrow)

Intro
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|--2-2-2-2-2-2-2------------------------------------
|--3-3-3-3-3-3-3------------------------------------

verse
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|----------2-2--------------------------------------
|-2-2-2----3-3----2-2-2----2-2----------------------
|-3-3-3-----------0-0-0----1-1---------------------- play intro 5x

come in 2nd guitar at :34 and play along with intro
|--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7--7---------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------

lead in into chorus after 5x intro (played for like 2-3 sec)
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|--2------------------------------------------------
|--3------------------------------------------------

Chorus
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--4-4-4-5-5-5-5-----------------------------------
|--2-2-2-3-3-3-3-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-------------------
|----------------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-------------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--4-4-4-5-5-5-5-----------------------------------
|--2-2-2-3-3-3-3-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-------------------
|----------------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-------------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|----------5-5-5-5---------------------------------
|--2-2-2-2-3-3-3-3-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-----------------
|--0-0-0-0---------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-----------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-----------------------7-7-7-7-7-
|--0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-------5-5-5-5-5-
|------------------0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-----------------

2nd verse
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|----------2-2--------------------------------------
|-2-2-2----3-3----2-2-2----2-2----------------------
|-3-3-3-----------0-0-0----1-1----------------------

2nd guitar play along with the verse till the chorus
|---3-3-3--3-3---3-3--5-------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------

at (1:20) another guitar comes in and plays this until the chorus as well
|--7---7---7---7---7---7---7---7---7---7---7--------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------

Lead in into 2nd chorus (1:32) (pretty sure abt this)
|---------------------------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
|----11--12---11--12--------------------------------
|----x---x----x---x---------------------------------
|----9---10---9---10--------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------
pm......pm......pm.....pm

Chorus
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--4-4-4-5-5-5-5-----------------------------------
|--2-2-2-3-3-3-3-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-------------------
|----------------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-------------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--4-4-4-5-5-5-5-----------------------------------
|--2-2-2-3-3-3-3-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-------------------
|----------------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-------------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|----------5-5-5-5---------------------------------
|--2-2-2-2-3-3-3-3-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-----------------
|--0-0-0-0---------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-----------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-----------------------7-7-7-7-7-
|--0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-------5-5-5-5-5-
|------------------0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-----------------

Bridge part 1
|------------------------------------------------------------
|------------------------------------------------------------
|------------------------------------------------------------
|-------4-4-4---------4-4-4-------------4-4----4-4---4-4-4---
|5-5-5--2-2-2--5-5-5--2-2-2--5-5-5--2-2-----2-2------2-2-2---
|3-3-3---------3-3-3---------3-3-3---------------------------
pm..............

Bridge part 2 (lightly distorted)
|----------------------------------------------------
|----------------------------------------------------
|----------------------------------------------------
|-4-4-5-xx-12-12-12-12-------------------------------
|-2-2-3-xx-10-10-10-10-------------------------------
|---------------------------------------------------- 4x

Chorus- this time a lil differnt (play till end)
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--4-4-4--5-5-5-5----------------------------------
|--2-2-2--3-3-3-3--5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-----------------
|------------------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-----------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--4-4-4--5-5-5-5----------------------------------
|--2-2-2--3-3-3-3--5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-----------------
|------------------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-----------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|-----------5-5-5-5--------------------------------
|--2-2-2-2--3-3-3-3--5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5---------------
|--0-0-0-0-----------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3---------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2----------------------------------
|-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0---2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2----------------
|-------------------0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0----------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--4-4-4--5-5-5-5----------------------------------
|--2-2-2--3-3-3-3--5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-----------------
|------------------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-----------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--4-4-4--5-5-5-5----------------------------------
|--2-2-2--3-3-3-3--5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5-----------------
|------------------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3-----------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|-----------5-5-5-5--------------------------------
|--2-2-2-2--3-3-3-3--5-5-5-5-5-5-5-5---------------
|--0-0-0-0-----------3-3-3-3-3-3-3-3---------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2----------------------------------
|-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0---2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2----------------
|-------------------0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0----------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2----------------------------------
|-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0---2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2----------------
|-------------------0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0----------------

|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|-7-7-7-7-7-7--------5~----------------------------
|-5-5-5-5-5-5--------3~----------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------

End on this
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|--------------------------------------------------
|-2-2-2-2-2----------------------------------------
|-3-3-3-3-3----------------------------------------

It's amazing how having a pregnant wife, bad cholesterol, and no job have changed the content of this crappy blog. I'm no longer writing about trips to faraway places, casinos, and strip clubs. The only exotic locales I've been to in the past few weeks are in the Chicago suburbs. After five minutes in the 'burbs I find myself longing for places like Akron, Des Moines, and Thief River Falls.

So I have nothing right now.

Except for a little health check.

A little more than a month ago, I had my cholesterol tested. The results were terrrrrrrible [said in a Bill Walton voice]. Total cholesterol was 267 (LDL - 161, HDL - 57). Since then, I've changed my diet. No red meat - protein was primarily from chicken. Oatmeal for breakfast.

I no longer consider that plan a diet. It has become a lifestyle change. And it's working.

Last week my cholesterol was tested again. Total cholesterol is now 210 (LDL - 103, HDL 58). The doctor wants me to return in three months. If I keep making progress, I might not need a statin.

~

Hopefully I get home in time for this. Sign your azzes up!

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