Bob and I have seen two sets of bare boobies. One from fifty feet away. They looked spectacular and were on a fit twenty year old. The other? Think national geographic kenyan. From five feet away. Yeah, we couldn't help but stare.

Hello again, sports fans. This week, we present to you four, count'em, four locks that were agreed upon by Bobby Bracelet and myself. This week, these are given to you for FREE! Now, what you do with our selections is up to you. But we highly suggest that you fade them in a big ol' parlay.

Lock 1: Raiders (+4) at Dolphins
Bobby: Dude, I've always loved the Dolphins colors. Teal and Orange are a great combo. And we're going to South Florida this week. Gotta take the Dolphins.
DP: Bobby, I totally agree. The Dolphins it is. They've got that great quarterback in Dan Marino - with that quick release, there's no way that Howie Long is getting to him. And Bo Jackson just hasn't looked right this season.

Bobby and DP pick: Dolphins (-4)

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Lock 2: Ravens (-4.5) at Browns
DP: I've always been a big fan of Edgar Allen Poe. Go Ravens!
Bobby: This one's a no-brainer. The Ravens were the Browns. But they learned that being Brown isn't a good thing. When are you going to do the same? I'll take the Ravens too.

Bobby and DP pick: Ravens (-4.5)


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Lock 3: Packers (-1.5) at Vikings
Bobby: Brett Favre looks like the Brett Favre of 1996. The Packers take this in a blowout.
DP: Does that mean that Favre has a pocketful of vicodin? If so, tell him to share some of that goodness with me. It would go great with the gallon of Franzia I just drank. Packers it is!

Bobby and DP pick: Packers (-1.5)


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Lock 4: Steelers (-5.5) at Cardinals
DP: I love taking favorites on the road. This game isn't even gonna be close. I predict we even see Charlie Batch time. Steelers!
Bobby: Two words: Steely McBeam. No way some lame redbird competes with that. I can't wait to watch the Steelers destroy the Cards this game.

Bobby and DP pick: Steelers (-5.5)

Take action soon! This blog gets 45,000,000 readers per day, and the line is bound to move within hours.

A reminder: DP is 0-12 this year in football wagers, and Bobby Bracelet is in the hole $300K on blackjack and sports wagering the last two years. Don't even get him started on $10 SnG's on Full Tilt. They are available for speaking engagements at your church, corporate event, or local watering hole.

Apparently boozing with the blogger formerly known as Bobby Bracelet has finally caught up to me. The black hole of sports betting suckitude has extended from Detroit to Chicago.

I am now 0-11 after three weeks of football wagering.

So if you want to fade my choices for next week, send me a check for $50 and I'll tell you who I'm betting.

[UPDATE, 5:30PM Monday]
I just placed my action for tonight's game, teasing the Saints and the over.
So it's:
Saints(NewOrleans) +1
Over 40

You guys know what to do!

Wow, what an amazing weekend it’s been so far. I created far more (10 gallons) beer than I consumed (32 ounces), changed diapers (like, a million) instead of received lapdances (none), and watched a shit-ton of football and baseball.

Mrs DP made the mistake gave me the gift of a weekend alone with the boy. She’s out in Virginia, hunting, or something like that. I’m sure that she expects the house to be a disaster when she returns in a few hours. But I thought ahead, and hired a cleaning crew of seven Mexicans (Joaquin is not one of them) to take care of business. They whipped me up a nice steak burrito too.

Friday was a laid back evening of grilled meats (chicken for him, ribeye for me), re-watching season 2 of the Office, and maybe a little bit of dancing.

We spent early Saturday walking around Wrigleyville and the lakefront, sipping coffee and formula, checking out moms and toddlers. The kid has moves. And he knows exactly when to turn it on. If a nice looking group of ladies is in the vicinity, he’ll wave to them, making sure that they pay enough attention to him, and that I have ample opportunity to pay attention to the girls. Best. Wingman. Ever.

He also had his game on while we dined outside at a bar. There were three tables with girls his age who were all over his junk. The boy already has a harem.

We watched the early Cubs game, followed by naptime. While on the bed, he fell asleep on my arm. If you can’t beat’em, join’em – so I dozed off for a bit as well. After about forty minutes, my arm went numb – couldn’t feel a thing. There was no way I was moving, though. The pleasure of staring at him while he slept was far greater than cost of the nerve reconstructive surgery I’ll have to undergo in three years.

We joined a few friends at another bar for dinner, where he got his mac on again. Three women in their early twenties sat at the table next to us. He lowered his head a little bit, rolled his eyes up towards them, and gave them a grin. Then the wave. He had them at “bah bah blah ya.”

We woke up this morning and launched the ol’ porn machine. Guess who scored solid seats for the first Cubs home game in the NLDS? Yeah, that’s me. The Cubs better not fuck this up.

He’s napping again. I’m waiting for the nanny to show up, then I head down to Soldier Field for a pre-Bears-Cowboys game tailgate. I wish I could take him along, and can’t wait to do so a few years from now.

I’m going to have to ship Mrs DP out of town more often. Or at least make sure she does this at least once a year, so that we can continue to have these boys weekends.

Christmas comes once a year, but for this guy, Father’s Day came twice.

I don't know who you are, but your TGOD is awesome!