Thursday, May 08, 2008
Wingman Brings Home a Present
In the past few months our son has developed an obsession with "Ralph's World" - a creepy long haired dude who sings children's music. I must admit that occasionally I catch myself singing "(I wanna be a) Puppy Dog" and "Surfing in My Imagination." But the wingman constantly asks us to put in the CD or play the DVD.
We took him to the park on Sunday. Normally he enjoys the swings and slides. This trip was different. He kept walking towards our car, yelling "Ralph!"
After we got home we gave him lunch. Which he immediately vomited. He continued vomiting the rest of the day.
Then two nights ago, I started feeling ill. I got my ass off the couch, ready to head to bed. But I had to take a side trip to the bathroom. Yup. Vomit. I puked all night and slept on the floor just outside the bathroom. I woke up on that floor with the wingman jumping on me screaming "Ralph!"
Ralph, I did, indeed. Three minutes later I was back in the bathroom.
My wife and the nanny were both ill as well. Nothing beats a diet of chicken noodle soup, Pedialyte, and Jello. I'm a big fan of the orange flavored Pedialyte and green flavored Jello. What, "green" isn't a flavor? I call bullshit. You put that stuff in your mouth, and you immediately think green.
All this barfing got me thinking. How did we all get ill? Food poisoning? Highly unlikely. The nanny was sick too, and she doesn't eat with us. That means..
That girl my little Pampers pimp made out with last week? DIRTY.
Which means I'm going to the park today to see what her mom looks like.
We took him to the park on Sunday. Normally he enjoys the swings and slides. This trip was different. He kept walking towards our car, yelling "Ralph!"
After we got home we gave him lunch. Which he immediately vomited. He continued vomiting the rest of the day.
Then two nights ago, I started feeling ill. I got my ass off the couch, ready to head to bed. But I had to take a side trip to the bathroom. Yup. Vomit. I puked all night and slept on the floor just outside the bathroom. I woke up on that floor with the wingman jumping on me screaming "Ralph!"
Ralph, I did, indeed. Three minutes later I was back in the bathroom.
My wife and the nanny were both ill as well. Nothing beats a diet of chicken noodle soup, Pedialyte, and Jello. I'm a big fan of the orange flavored Pedialyte and green flavored Jello. What, "green" isn't a flavor? I call bullshit. You put that stuff in your mouth, and you immediately think green.
All this barfing got me thinking. How did we all get ill? Food poisoning? Highly unlikely. The nanny was sick too, and she doesn't eat with us. That means..
That girl my little Pampers pimp made out with last week? DIRTY.
Which means I'm going to the park today to see what her mom looks like.
