You haven't seen anything until you've joined Bobby Blackjack at a table in Vegas. He plays perfect basic strategy, tips the dealers, and is cordial to other players. He does everything in his power to bring about good table karma. But Bobby Blackjack just never wins. It's truly amazing. He'll have an occasional run where he's up several betting units. But you know. The dealer knows. He knows. It's all going back to the casino.

So this Saturday Bob Blackjack, the horse, will be running in the Kentucky Derby. Just for the hell of it, I've put money on the horse to win (30-1). I wish I could somehow place a wager that the horse would have a commanding lead for the 3/4ths of the race then stop on a dime, lick himself, and finally squat and take a big dump on the track - ending up in last place. Do horses even squat to take a dump? It doesn't matter. I know it already - the money is gone.

The Rooster called me on Sunday and asked why I haven't posted pics of the boy lately. Well, below are some photos. And a quick story.

Every Tuesday and Thursday the nanny takes Wingman to the park to a class. On Tuesdays they run around like maniacs and on Thursdays they paint and draw.

Yesterday my boy developed a crush on a little fair haired girl. And he got his mac on. He obviously inherited his father's "game" gene. Take a look at that boy going in for the kill! He's gonna be unstoppable in a few years.

(Girl's face hidden to protect the not-so-innocent.)

Start reserving spots at the convent for your daughters ASAP!

I went to the driving range today. My first time hitting a golf ball in two years. There were some shots I hit that felt damn good.

The rest? Well, I looked like Charles Barkley, or maybe even Tiger impersonating Charles Barkley. Check out my swing below.





Time for a lesson...

This is the true story... of a young couple... who have decided to live together...and blog about it... to find out what happens when people stop being polite... and start declaring shenanigans...

OddCoupling

As one who surely will enjoy their misery making money off their brilliant idea, I've started selling shirts.

What perfect timing for my Austin project to end. The weather here in Chicago is finally pleasant. The Cubbies are in first place. And I can smoke cigars more often.

I spent some time in the yard this morning, just relaxing, enjoying the nice breeze, and maybe having an early morning wheat ale from the kegerator.

Some of you may have heard of the cougar sightings in Chicago. No, not Diane Lane or Michaelle Ffeiffer - an actual cougar. This happened not too far from where I live, just down the street from the grocery store we frequent. For living in the city we do get some strange beasts. Just last year a coyote wandered into a downtown Starbucks.

While I was on the back porch I saw two cardinals playing in the crabapple tree. I nicknamed them Pooh-holes and Andujar.

Then I shot them.

Not with a gun, you sicko. With my camera. The pictures didn't turn out well. So I moved on to other subjects in the yard.

Including this gem.

I got mad skillz.

It had been a while since I played sober online poker past midnight. Because of a project that went live on Monday, I was only able to play in four BBT3 events.

Since I was no longer hobbled by the ball and chain of work responsibilities, I fired up the Skill Series and cleared the DVR. I watched Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters, How I Met Your Mother, The Hills, Chefography - Wolfgang Puck, and 2 episodes of Landscape Smart. And got me a seat in the Tournament of Champions.

Goddamm. It's too fucking easy sometimes.

Tonight at the hotel bar a cougar popped a squat two seats next to me. Five minutes into her Belvedere up with a twist she asked me what I was doing in Austin.

Austin, Massachusetts.

Yeah, I'm here again. I've been here for the last four weeks, give or take a decade. Thank Jebus I have April here to keep me sane. That is, when I'm actually able to escape my client's cubicle hell. Last week we had many beverages, perhaps a shot, and got our swerve on to a fine 80's cover band. Good time. My apologies to those who may have received a drunk dial (really, Speaker, sorry.)

Anyway, I thought that I'd bust out the "I'm a pineapple salesman for Dole" line again. And I came prepared. "We" were coming out with an organic line of canned pineapple - both chunks and rings. I did a big presentation in front of the Whole Foods headquarters, and I kicked ass. I was ready to party.

So the fifty year old mother of two bought me a glass of Lagavullin.

It probably would have been inappropriate for me to ask her for a picture of her 19 year old daughter. Because you know me.

I'm always appropriate.

Then she slide into the seat next to me. I noticed that she was wearing white pants and pointed out that it wasn't past Memorial Day. So she shouldn't have been wearing those pants. And as a fashionista, told her so.

"Your people celebrate Memorial Day?"

"What do you mean - Hawaiians? We're American too, you know."

"No, I meant homosexuals."

I still got it.

I had trouble sleeping last night and searched the television for an infomercial that would put me to sleep. Instead, I found a show that would keep me up for another fifty minutes. It's a poker show - probably the most entertaining ever. You should check it out.



I only recognized three of the stars: Nelly, Mekhi Phifer, and Orlando Jones. Those were the biggest names. Really. The 7Up guy was the third biggest name. And Nelly got bounced early! The rest of the stars: Anthony Anderson, Melyssa Ford, Eddie Griffin, Wood Harris, Kevin Hart, Faizon Love, Miguel A Nunez, Eva Marcille, Al Shearer, Chris Spencer, Katt Williams.

So who the hell did they invite to this tournament???? Cedric the Entertainer wasn't available? How about one of the Gumble brothers? Biff Henderson? Bobby Bonilla? K-Fed?

All hell broke loose when they started the cash table. You'll have to watch it for yourself.